Sincerely I do. If the world was flat, and smooth I might add, it would make mobility much easier. I wouldn't have to stare at the ground as I walk. Sidewalks, in reality, are a particular headache when the roots of trees grow under and make it all topsy-turvy. I am not, after all, a Weeble. Even the natural seams can sometimes cause a problem. If placement of a foot or a crutch is not completed correctly, one might just end up kissing the sidewalk. That is to say nothing of cracks, which inevitably get worse over time.
Stairs are another issue of inconvenience, but they are everywhere. Ascending or descending, it doesn't really matter, though going down is always a bit more of a hazard.
Stairs are the primary reason I wish the world was flat.
In a world of flat surfaces with no peaks and just valleys, it should be deemed illegal to wax a floor, as this undermines the purpose of a perfectly flat surface altogether. I would write my congressman!
I love you Josh Blue!
Josh Blue is a comedian with Cerebral Palsy that is not afraid to make jokes and laugh at himself. Watching Youtube videos of his performances has reminded me that it is okay and in fact healthy to laugh at myself. In one of his performances he says, "As part of my act, I would like to inform you that you are all going to hell for laughing at me."
On his road to fame, he has many accolades. However, one of the things I find most fascinating about Josh, besides his ability to so wittingly make fun of himself, is this little fun fact: when he started doing stand-up, he was pursuing a degree in creative writing from Evergreen State College. As my dreams and aspirations are to get an MFA in creative writing, Josh Blue, I may very well become you.
On his road to fame, he has many accolades. However, one of the things I find most fascinating about Josh, besides his ability to so wittingly make fun of himself, is this little fun fact: when he started doing stand-up, he was pursuing a degree in creative writing from Evergreen State College. As my dreams and aspirations are to get an MFA in creative writing, Josh Blue, I may very well become you.
Josh Blue, one day I hope to meet you. I'll go to one of your shows, we can maybe even have a chat. I would also love to get your autograph, even if it takes you 45 minutes, as you claim.
Josh Blue, I'm a big fan of you!
Tales of the torture stick
My clarinet, my love, my torture stick. I had my first lesson of the semester Tuesday. I've been playing it for a year and a half, yet I still squeak. Why? Because Cerebral Palsy effects my fine motor skills, mostly in the left hand and I am not always able to cover the holes completely, producing a shrill, ear piercing squeak in place of a beautiful high C.
Just one of the frustrations of an amateur clarinetist who happens to have CP.
Trying to be PC about CP
Society is trying to be politically correct about Cerebral Palsy. Hell, society tries to be politically correct about everything, or as much as is humanly possible anyway. What is deemed politically correct has changed over time within the fabric of society. But I am beginning to wonder if society really can go too far in an attempt to be politically correct. After all, the ultimate goal of being politically correct is to not offend anyone. So, lets explore the terms that have existed to describe people such as myself, everything from cripple to handi-capable.
The word cripple originates from before the year 950 and is perhaps the earliest known term in the English language to describe someone (person or animal) that is physically impaired. The word originates from the Old English word creep, as in to carry one's body in a slow fashion.
The word disabled originated between the years 1925-35. The definition of disabled is far less flattering then its current public acceptance, being defined as "crippled; injured; incapacitated " (Dictionary.com). Although disabled is the most current preferable term, the definition holds so many negative and insulting connotations, I am not sure that I agree. The definition itself implies helplessness and that people who are disabled lack productivity, which isn't true!
I'm not fucking Tiny Tim!
But I digress, society is grappling with the idea of whether or not to take the
But I digress, society is grappling with the idea of whether or not to take the
"recommendation to put the person before the disability, favoring persons with disabilities over disabled persons and person with paraplegia over paraplegic. Such expressions are said to focus on the individual rather than on the particular functional limitation... but the "person-first" construction has not found wide acceptance with the general public, perhaps because it sounds somewhat unnatural or possibly because in English the last word in a phrase tends to have the greatest weight, thus undercutting the intended purpose"(dictionary.com).
Handicapped (it just keeps getting better) originated sometime between 1910 to 1915. As dictionary.com points out in its usage note, to provide some social and historical background, "some stigma may attach to the word handicapped because of its origin in the phrase hand in cap, actually derived from a game of chance but sometimes mistakenly believed to involve the image of a beggar."
I don't see a hell of a lot of difference between the word disabled and handicapped. They both have the same general meaning and imply a helpless existence. So to those who say that the word disabled is more preferable, they should probably consult with more people who may fall under the definition of disabled or handicapped! At this point, I see the difference as minute. Its like comparing apples to apples, one might be green, one might be red, but they are still both apples, damn it!
Just this past week, I learned of a term when someone referred to me as handi-capable. This caught me off-guard. Apparently alongside this new term is differently abled. With the coining of such terms as handi-capable, I believe that society's efforts to be politically correct have truly completed a self-defeating circle, and shot themselves in the foot. Then, perhaps they can adopt the term handi-capable and keep it, for all I care!
There is no politically correct or incorrect word with which I wish to describe myself. I have Cerebral Palsy but Cerebral Palsy is not me.
Maladaptive technology!
For me and many other people with disabilities, adaptive technology is a vital part of our independence and daily functioning. Adaptive technology permeates every area of my existence as a student. So when it fails, there are so many frustrations and headaches, especially when there is no easy fix in sight, which makes me feel a bit like chicken little.
I use various forms of adaptive technology. From voice recognition software which allows me to speak into a microphone headset and have the words I say appear on the computer screen before me, to electronic text books which allow me to use a screen reader built into my computer. It speaks the words of the textbook in a digitized voice.
I occasionally use Kurzweil which works on the same principle as E-text. Instead of working off a disk, you have to physically scan the pages you want to read into the program and it will read it back to you in Steven Hawkins' voice. Kurzweil has less accuracy in word interpretation than electronic text in my experience.
I occasionally use Kurzweil which works on the same principle as E-text. Instead of working off a disk, you have to physically scan the pages you want to read into the program and it will read it back to you in Steven Hawkins' voice. Kurzweil has less accuracy in word interpretation than electronic text in my experience.
For the past four weeks, these vital technologies to my academic success have been largely unavailable to me due to technological failure. I thought I could fix it with a thirty dollar upgrade, but I was oh, so wrong. I had to jump through many hoops to get my speech recognition software working again. Not being able to use my voice recognition software was very detrimental, my traditional typing skills are practically non-existant and my inability to spell drastically cuts down on my vocabulary, making it very hard for me to communicate what needs to be said.
It was also extremely difficult to meet the demands of my classes, outside of doing assigned readings because every assignment is submitted electronically. Before finding a solution to my speech recognition program difficulties, I would write out my assignments, dictate them to my mother over the phone, and then when she e-mailed them to me, I would submit the assignment. I don't like having to rely on people like that, especially for such a large stretch of time. I tried so many options and consulted with so many "technical professionals" who just didn't have answers for me. I have visited ITS technical support services eight times this semester alone.
It was also extremely difficult to meet the demands of my classes, outside of doing assigned readings because every assignment is submitted electronically. Before finding a solution to my speech recognition program difficulties, I would write out my assignments, dictate them to my mother over the phone, and then when she e-mailed them to me, I would submit the assignment. I don't like having to rely on people like that, especially for such a large stretch of time. I tried so many options and consulted with so many "technical professionals" who just didn't have answers for me. I have visited ITS technical support services eight times this semester alone.
When it comes to adaptive technology, it can be hit or miss. Technology is great, when it works, but only when it works. I am aware that unfortunately there is adaptive technology out there to which I do not have access to. As a journalism student this semester, it takes countless hours to transcribe a digitally recorded, one-hour interview. Doing so is frustrating and tedious work. Indeed, in my frustrations with this task, I recognized the need for being able to plug in a digital recorder into the computer and then be able to upload the transcript into a word document. I was told that this technology was "not open to civilians." This is very curious and frustrating, knowing that there is something out there that could help me function better, with greater independence, yet my access is denied and I cannot fill that need.
Four weeks and three hundred dollars later, my adaptive technology is up and running, nearly as good as it was before, and hopefully with a little more tweaking, I can get things back up to 100% soon. When you are so dependent on adaptive technology for academic atonomy, it is completely maddening to not have a quick fix. Hopefully, my technological sky will not fall again any time soon.
Strictly platonic
In the interest of full disclosure, with the purpose being to plainly state: This is who I am, and I am not ashamed, it just is.
Have people's assumptions, conscious or not, kept everything in the strictly platonic zone? I would say yes, probably, to some extent, though it's hard to know the severity of that extent. A lack of interest from the opposite sex has led me to question my sexuality.
I definitely like men, but if I were to place myself on Kinsey's continuum of sexual orientation, a scale that runs from zero to six (zero being exclusively heterosexual and six being exclusively homosexual), I would currently place myself at two with my attraction to men accounting for 70%, and my attraction to women accounting for 30%. I know that my attraction to women, however subtle, is not some kind of experimental college fad because I first started to notice it at age twelve. It is important to note that sexuality itself, and therefore sexual orientation, is a fluid thing and will not necessarily stay stable over time.
I definitely like men, but if I were to place myself on Kinsey's continuum of sexual orientation, a scale that runs from zero to six (zero being exclusively heterosexual and six being exclusively homosexual), I would currently place myself at two with my attraction to men accounting for 70%, and my attraction to women accounting for 30%. I know that my attraction to women, however subtle, is not some kind of experimental college fad because I first started to notice it at age twelve. It is important to note that sexuality itself, and therefore sexual orientation, is a fluid thing and will not necessarily stay stable over time.
In the last six months, I have asked two people out, one female and one male, and I've been rejected both times. Putting yourself out there on the line is never fun, especially when your affections are not returned. This is a universal truth. I don't like to be vulnerable, no one really does, but having Cerebral Palsy gives me a heightened sense of vulnerability in daily life, not just in relationships. I wonder how many people can get past the crutches, past the physical, and into the personality, the mind and the soul, that which truly makes me, me.
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