Age 15 or 30

My actual age is 21, but most of the time I feel like I am 15 or 30. Part of me feels ready to move light years ahead of my 21-year-old self. Move forward in life to a new chapter and start to feel like I am truly living life to the fullest. I have been told that living life to the fullest has a lot to do with your state of mind and does not necessarily have any correlation to age.

I have always gravitated towards adults since childhood, feeling more accepted and able to relate to them as opposed to my peers. That fact has a great deal to do with my having cerebral palsy. From childhood I have felt older than my age. Yet, as I start to face real responsibility, I doubt my ability to fulfill such responsibility and reach my goals in life.

Sometimes I feel like I am regressing to my 15-year-old self because I am not as independent as I would like or need to be. This fact bothers me to no end! I know that independence is the key to becoming the person I want to be. I still rely on my parents too much, though it is painful to admit.

I rely on my mother in particular for emotional support. My mother is my best friend, however, I have been told that my Gilmore girls-like bond with her is not the most healthy for an independent life. Can you say inferiority complex? I don't truly hold adult status in the eyes of my parents, especially my father. Complete independence is the only way they will consider me an adult. This is the only way for my opinion to truly be considered and respected.

If only it were easy to bridge the gap between 15 and 30.